It turns out there's a big world outside the air conditioning. Those who've seen it call it Nature; the rest of us call it the zoo. Anyway, it's full of species different from you and me.

Of course you can't pet your fellow lifeforms over the Web, and you can't smell their droppings; but you can listen to them quack, croak, and shriek. A tour of this zoological Babylon begins properly at the foot of the food chain, where our tiny six-legged friends express themselves in voices all their own. A cricket and a cicada may not surprise you, but what about a "piping" queen bee?

Meanwhile, the marshes out there are swarming with barrel-chested, amphibious croakers. Firsthand reports suggest that frogs are slimy and coldblooded creatures; but for cornballs like me, their songs are nostalgically musical. The obvious leader of the band is the bullfrog, to whom this site gives top billing; but there are seven other frog voices available for download here.

Lastly, we owe our cousins a visit. Apes and monkeys are the ultimate hippies, living in trees and munching organic fruit. It's true that they don't possess the job skills to keep up in today's competitive marketplace, but their "vocalizations" rival anything you're likely to hear on a preschool playground ... the little bastards can scream.